The Strain of Relationship Breakdowns
For most of us, at various stages of our lives, relationships will break-down and we will face challenges where we find ourselves trying to fumble our way through the mist trying to work out which way is up.
Whether it’s your family life that is feeling strained, or you feel like you and your partner are on completely different pages, your kids are driving you round the bend (more than usual), your parents just don’t seem to get you, your marriage is falling apart, you feel unsupported by friends, undermined by neighbours, you’re having trouble with a work colleague; whatever the relationship is that is no longer serving you the way it currently exists, the stress and anxiety that this can cause can soon carry over into the other areas of your life by making you unhappy and can lead to things seeming insurmountable.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, sad, lost, misunderstood, unheard, undervalued and incredibly isolated at these times. The good news is you don’t have to.
We often lose perspective when we are feeling threatened or fall into negative ways of thinking and looking at these types of situations. If we feel backed into a corner, it’s easy to go into our flight or fight mode and either retreat away silently to lick our wounds, closing up faster than a venus fly trap with a succulent bug in its jaws. If we retreat for too long, there is a risk of getting bogged down heavily in our issues and falling into the depths of despair where it is hard to climb back out and see the light of day again without some help. When our pride is hurt, our sense of self-worth, confidence and trust takes a huge knock and for some of us it cuts deeper than others and we find it hard to move on. “Forgive and forget” is not always as easy as it sounds.
Maybe we choose to simply sulk for a few hours listening to some Bridget Jones-esque “All by mysel-el-elf” and feel completely hard done by in the world. Worse yet, we waste valuable time and energy planning silent acts of cartoon-style villainous revenge that we have absolutely zero intention of carrying out, go over all the amazing witty comebacks that we “should have” said at the time and high five ourselves for our prowess while at the same time beating ourselves up for not thinking of them on the spot when we needed them. Or on the flip-side, we react in a totally defensive manner and shoot back nasty comments in the heat of the moment, resorting to a school-ground bully type maturity and lack of grace which also leads to the aforementioned self-scolding later on for lacking the emotional skills to handle things appropriately.
Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. It’s OK though – all is not lost. There are ways to address these situations, examine what’s going on and re-frame your thinking if need be. I work with my clients to think about what is really at the heart of the issues, work out what is important for you and gain the tools to no longer use these old coping mechanisms as your go-to vices. We work together to let go of behaviours, habits and situations that are holding you back and no longer serving you and create more positive ones to move forward.
If you’d like to learn more, I’d love to chat with you and start working towards the life that you want.